Well my invisible, imaginary friend. It appears to be that I am wrapped up in another, slightly bigger one.
Scary? Possibly.
Progress? That could be the case.
Lost in a world, trying to be remembered? Slight overdramatic.
Two days ago I was thinking of writing a post all about my angst and confusion at the fact that I don't feel that I am perceived to be attractive by members of the opposite of sex. However that would be self indulgent and will come at a later date.
On this rainy, two lessoned Monday morning my mind is feeling urged to type out on my HTC a few thoughts that I have about our obsession with the outside world that makes us appear to be so self obsessed.
I have a friend, a lovely friend. Let's refer to him as Mr Tall; privately educated in an all boys school up until the age of 16, clearly never spoken to a girl before he started our college for normal, yet clever kid and so adorably innocent. Until he met us.
Don't worry, we haven't demoralised him in anyway. Innocence has different meanings in different social.circles.
I've always seen him to be this unintended, overly nice individual who's underconfident due to obvious parental over-protection.
Underconfident and overly nice in my world, that is.
I can name 3 mundane things that I have influenced him, often unintentionally, to do for the first time:
Send a text message.
Get drunk.
Venture out of college at lunch time.
I clearly remember (not much of the second one) these moments purely because of his reaction once these three situations had occurred:
Pure joy balanced with underlying confusion.
Do you ever feel that way too?
Possibly not so strongly or in those words, but maybe that's because you've got so used to that feeling that its turned into an accepted base to your emotions.
Somewhere deep inside that feeling bubbles, everytime I see a mention on Twitter, a reblog on tumblr or a comment on YouTube, be that good or bad.
Why the obsession?
Mr Tall never felt it before but now he's met me and he's getting a feel for it. I used to feel proud but now I'm wondering whether my kind enthusiasm and mission to bring Mr Tall into the real world was such a good idea after all.
Why do I check my facebook as soon as I wake up every morning?
Why do I feel unwanted if no one has reblogged my latest gif filled moment of life on tumblr?
I tell myself It's because I want to be connected with the world, something else, something bigger.
But if I was open and outspoken about these strange emotions, that I'm sure many of us feel, I would be immediately labelled as "self obsessed."
Well maybe I am.
Maybe I am self obsessed with my own world that everyone else is wrapped up in.
And it's my own unintentional vanity or contagious disease that is trying to pull Mr Tall, the lovely friend who everyone has, into the mix.
There's more to it.
I'll leave it there or else I'll be late.
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